ReWriting Your Story 

Lesson 6

Removing Negative Self Talk | Abria Joseph | TEDxYouth@NIST

Negative self-talk will also impact your love life, as continual negative self-talk will wreak havoc on your self-esteem and your sense of worth. Poor self-esteem can also be problematic in romantic relationships because it can make emotional, mental, and physical abuse seem normal or at least warranted.

The first, perhaps most significant way, is in terms of worth; you are less likely to take risks and go after what you want if you experience bouts of negative self-talk and have low self-esteem. That might mean that you don't pursue a romantic relationship you were hoping for or that you give up on a relationship that is experiencing issues.

Negative self-talk can also harm existing romantic relationships, as it can be very difficult and overwhelming to see your loved one speak and think so little of themselves. The partners of individuals with low self-esteem are often a source of constant reassurance, which places a great burden on a partner. That burden of reassuring your self-worth can cause resentment to build. If this resentment is not expressed and eventually remedied or addressed, the relationship may be terminated.

Unfortunately, many abusive individuals thrive with partners who have poor self-esteem, because their behavior is accepted without issue, or goes unquestioned, despite it being abusive, cruel, or neglectful.

Another reason the stories we tell ourselves are important is because they can damage our relationships. You may feel like your partner dislikes you, or that your friends find you annoying.

This in turn could lead to you viewing your relationships in a more negative light. You may withdraw from your social circle or begin to resent people in your life due to how you think they view you.

If you want strong, healthy relationships, you’ll need to be mindful of the stories you tell yourself.

According to Marina Solis, MA,

"Closeness and intimacy are the joys of your relationship with your partner. That is what we see in romance movies and crave--a sense of closeness. However, we can easily dismantle that joy if we fail to curb the critical, snarky, insulting voice so many of us have in our heads.

That voice can be a constant soundtrack of negative self-talk that runs down your self-perception, self-esteem, and partnership. This can happen so thoroughly that you end up sabotaging yourself, your love, and your libido. Intimacy just doesn’t have a chance in that environment.

To be close to your partner, it’s crucial that you recognize the thoughts that put up walls, turn you away, and skew deep understanding in your relationship."

Lesson Resources

Comments

How many times have you let negative self-talk about your ability to be loved or to be a good partner keep you from reaching out? Do you remember the last time you allowed yourself to be emotionally vulnerable? How long has it been since you were physically uninhibited without a mental wisecrack about your body? Leave your comments below.

Here is an interesting video from psychiatrist Dr. Tracey Marks, How to Recognize a Toxic Relationship

How to stop telling the negative stories from defining your life. Change your story, change your life.

Finding fulfillment in your life's lessons. Unleash joy by rewriting your stories with empathy, compassion, and self-love